We’ve all lost something before. It takes a toll on us. And we spend time trying to figure out what it means and why it happened when it did.
Happy Full Moon in Leo. I’ve been waiting to share this piece at the right time, and now feels right.
The Full Moon In Leo or the Snow Moon, calls us into hunger, difficulty, and suffering. We’ve made it through the bulk of the wintertime. BE proud! This full moon falling on a Sunday, calls us to recognize challenges and unobtainable desires.
Focus on something you yearn for: what do you want that you must either struggle to obtain or wait for? What is out of reach?
ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FRUSTRATION
AND LISTEN 2 IT!
Be sure you understand how you are feeling deep within. Journal about it. Meditate on it. Take a walk (it’s going to be nice this week)
How does it feel to not get what you want? If you simply cannot reach what you want, how can you grieve and release it?
This is what Full Moons are here for us. To RELEASE…
Now, I will tell a story.
I lost another tarot deck and it dawned on me. It wasn’t the first deck I had lost.
My First Tarot Deck in 2020
My very first tarot deck was a smith-waite tarot deck. I had gotten this one in 2020 during the pandemic. This deck served me well. It was the journey of me beginning to process my feelings of heartbreak and pain. Tarot became a key part of my healing and spiritual journey.
Eventually, my best friends were intrigued and asked for readings. I was starting to build up my confidence once again! People believed what I had to say and the wisdom I was bringing. This was my Queen of Pentacles ERA. I was pulling this card frequently, and for all the women who were reminding me of the feminine and compassionate nature of abundance.
In this deck, I lost the death card, which was very Scorpio of me. Realizing I had every single card in my deck beside the Death card, I decided it was time to retire it. It was the end of a cycle and time to focus my energy on other decks. Because I had put so much time into it and saw SO much growth, it wasn’t easy letting this one go. The death card has proven to be the most important obstacle in my spiritual journey with Tarot, which is letting things go and accepting death as an inevitable force of nature.
THE MINI DECK
Next was my entire mini tarot deck. I had that one stolen from my car in 2022, amongst other valuables. This death was difficult. I felt as if I were really starting to get deep with the cards. It is the same smith-waite cards, just a smaller mini deck. I was so emotionally attached to this one because I was finding themes of STRENGTH and transformation in this one.
Having the most valuable items I own was a reality check too. The universe will just take from you if you remain unaware. My head was in the clouds that day. I wasn’t thinking about protecting my energy. I was in a rush. Needed to slow down.
Losing the 3 of Cups from the Aquarian tarot deck at WMCN
Ahh, I loved my Aquarian Tarot deck. I bought this one during the Aquarius Full Moon in August. Which was exactly 6 months ago.
This Art-Deco style deck carried me through the fall semester. I used this one frequently at Tarot Tuesday at WMCN.
I remember the first week of school, I had brought this deck to a party. By the end of the night, I was sitting on the sidewalk with a group of people at Macalester, just chatting, talking about life. Crouched on the ground, I was shuffling my deck like a little elf (hehe) asking if anyone wanted a free tarot reading. I realized my style of reading tarot was being accessible at the most random, but perfect times for people…
It wasn’t until I was counting all of my cards one day in printmaking class, that I had realized I lost the 3 of cups card. I knew instantly that this card was left in the radio station when I had done a reading the week before and that card came up in discussion.
I looked everywhere for the 3 of cups, but it was gone. I was somewhat at peace knowing that the 3 of cups was lost at WMCN. A place of friendship, community, and celebration. WMCN was a MAGICAL place for me. I had created so many friendships, started the Tarot Tuesday community, and shared my accomplishments and breakthroughs on air. I was okay with this 3 of cups, THE seed being planted in WMCN.
LOSING MY DECK TO THE MINNESOTA WINTER
In January 2023, only a few days after my first Tarot Tuesday of 2023, I lost yet another tarot deck. This was in the same place that my valuables and tarot deck was stolen in the fall. This time, i dropped my tarot deck in the snow after a late night. It was plowed and buried in to the snow banks of Grand avenue.
This one hurt. Why do I keep losing my cards? Am I losing my mind?
And this one was gifted to me by my very good friend Erica.
Erica is one of the most powerful people I know in my life. (It’s that Scorpio rising energy you know ;))… I was so upset at myself for losing not just another deck, but a deck that I had attached love and meaning to. Erica has been a huge part of my spiritual growth and to have this one taken from the universe, was a stab to the heart.
This time I am bouncing back with intention and love. I was so upset that it was just funny at this point. It was hilarious! This is the story of my life. Misfortune happening, and me attributing some sort of spiritual or higher meaning to it. Life just happens. Most of the time, you lose. We are going to lose a lot of things in this lifetime. Death and change are inevitable themes.
But this time it was a win. I am almost too attached to the decks meaning. Sometimes I even get so wrapped up in what it means when sometimes the cards are just telling me to let it go.
I brought my awareness back. Its a deck. 78 pieces of paper. Lost in the snow. What can we do about it? There are bigger things to worry about.
And I’ve found JOY in searching for the cards in the snow. The first card I found was the world card. THE WORLDCARD! That was my “theme” of 2022. Full cycle. My World is shifting again, and I don’t need to rely on the cards to confirm that. Tarot has been a crutch for me, but I’ve finally found my path and don’t necessarily need that crutch for the little things anymore.
In terms of me asking the cards to confirm what I need for myself; I plan to be more intentional.
I will never stop reading for others too. I want to read for you when the time is right. SO hit up @e1evene1eventarot when you are ready to seek some spiritual guidance.
Will I find the rest of the deck? Maybe? I’ve collected about 10 of them so far. Strength, Justice, The Fool, the Hanged Man, the Empress, the Lovers, the Devil, and Judgement all came out. Yeah, the universe is judging me for how foolish I’ve been. It is serving me the karmic justice I needed. But I’m coming out stronger because of it all. I plan to write and reflect more on these cards. Maybe I’ll share my thoughts with you all too.
After reading this you probably think, “wow she’s one chaotic Tarot reader”, losing my decks and cards and all that huh. And yes, the chaos is real. I’m human. I am very unorganized and unfiltered at times. I wouldn’t change it for anything. My spiritual journey is one that I am choosing to share. I’m intentionally telling you this story to reveal how I came to terms with my own magic. Everyone finds their magic or spirit differently.
And, every Tarot reading, tarot Reader, Tarot deck, tarot card, brings a new meaning each time. It’s a practice. I’ve gotten much better at this practice too.
I want to make space free again. I strive to exist in a place that I can feel liberated. It’s taken some time to break free from my restraints, and I still have a lot of things that are holding me back. I want to exist with others who want to be free too. Others who dream of escaping the endless cycle of samsara.
Death is a difficult thing to process, and we need space for that. I’m hoping to make more space to reflect and share my thoughts in 2023. I am always in my element when I get to write about this kind of stuff.
My NEW tarot page is e1evene1eventarot on Instagram. You can book a reading by DMIng me on that account. Check it out!
AND tune in to Tarot Tuesday at 8pm on WMCN.FM
LOVERS ROCK 2/11